* I Want To Be The Woman You Think I Am*

The other day I was driving in my car listening to Carrie Underwood's Storyteller CD when her song "The Girl You Think I Am" started playing. Now I've never really listened to the words before, which is surprising because music is something that always truly touches my soul. I always listen to the words and often make connections to the lyrics. I'm totally that girl that you see driving down the road sobbing as I listen to a song. So I'm surprised that this was the first time that her lyrics really hit a cord with me. Have you ever listened to the lyrics of this song? Well the other day I started tearing up, because this song is like it was pulled from my heart.

"You think I'm strong, you think I'm fearless
Even when I'm, I'm at my weakest
You always see the best in me when I can't
I wanna be the girl you think I am
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I got my flaws and I've got regrets
And I know there's more on the road ahead
When I wonder if I'll ever measure up

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Cause you think I'm brave, and you think I'm beautiful
You think that I can do the impossible
You always see the best in me when I can't
I wanna be the girl you think I am

*

Cause you think I'm strong, and you think I'm fearless
Even when I'm, I'm at my weakest
You believe in me; yeah, you're my biggest fan"

Above is not the entire song, however it's the words that touch my soul deep inside because I often think of how much I want to be the woman that everyone things I am. I'm so often told how I'm so strong, how I'm fearless and attack things head on, how I'm beautiful, and brave. Growing up I was the one that people thought had no fear and just went for things in life, however that is so far from the truth. It may look like that on the outside, however on the inside I'm riddled with fear, anxiety, and stress. I always over think things in my head and worry until I make myself sick, however others don't see that. My head is ALWAYS swimming with the fear of "what if". This song took the words right out of my mouth. I WANT to be that person. I want to be the person that is fearless, that is strong when things are tough, that is brave and goes out to chase my dreams, that can do the IMPOSSIBLE!

 Do you ever feel this way too? Do you ever wish and dream to be the person that others believe you are. I feel so many of us put on this front, this disguise to make things appear more than they are. I mean isn't that what social media is? A platform for us to make out lives look so magnificent and perfect, but on the other side of that computer screen is reality. Is where the fears, struggles, and self doubts lie? Where we all look at the lives of others and think "I wish I had there life". I wont lie, I've done it. But then I remind myself, there life is only what they show me. That they have their struggles, their fear,s and their self doubts too. 

I guess that's why I love to write. I vowed this year to do more writing and I decided to do it here on my blog to share with others because so often we believe others lives are so amazing, like that saying "the grass is always greener on the other side." Well honestly it's not. We all face the same problems in life no matter where we are. We all fear failure, don't believe enough in ourselves and what we're capable of, and don't believe we're beautiful enough. Carrie's song reminded me of that. But it also reminded me that I need to focus more on believing in me. In believing that God has made me strong. That I am beautiful, and that I am capable of achieving ANY dream that I set my mind to. That in this life he has given me the power to not only make my dreams come true, but to help others believe enough in themselves to also make their dreams a reality. That with support, motivation, encouragement, and love together we can crush our goals in life. 

I want to be a mother that my boys look at when their older and say "We are Proud of you Mom". I want my boys to look at me and say she did everything she could to give me the best life possible. Each one of us have self doubts. I think it's what keeps us humble. It's what doesn't allow our heads to get too big and over confident. But we have to have enough confidence and belief in ourselves to know that with hard work, dedication, and hustle we can do what God has put us on this earth to do. To serve. 

~Much Love <3