* Writing My Eulogy*

As I sit here on this Saturday morning with my cup of coffee in my favorite pink Valentine's mug, a candle burning, my book The Purpose Driven Life by Pastor Rick Warren sitting next to me, my boys sleeping, and the snow beginning to slowly fall outside I'm thinking of a training I did the other day by Craig Holiday. He asked us to write our own Eulogy. At first I thought it sounded a little grim, however the more he spoke of WHY this was important it really inspired me. Have you ever really thought of what others would say of you if you were no longer here tomorrow. I don't mean how they would judge you, but how your life would look through their eyes. What would you have accomplished? What type of person would others say you were? Who's life would you have touched? Would you have made a difference? What impact and legacy will you leave behind?

As I sat and thought about this I had all these thoughts run through my head. I decided in that moment that I wanted to write my own Eulogy. That I wanted to put Pen to paper (or keys to a keyboard in this sense) and write down what I want the rest of my life to look like. The person that I want to strive to be. I want to share my struggles and my story and where I want it to go from this day forward. Now it's not that I'm not happy with how my life is now. I have a wonderful husband that I love deeply and that loves me. He's always supported me in my crazy ideas and goals that I've set for myself. We have two incredibly amazing little boys. A home that we're raising our children in, and live in a town with amazing friends. We have supportive families, and jobs that provide us with what we need for our family. I've accomplished my goal of graduating with my Masters Degree and I'm working in the field of Special Education. I've also started a business that I can do from home where I can help others in feeling their absolute best through teaching them about living a healthy lifestyle, something I'm passionate about. This business also helps in providing more towards my family. However, I have always felt that there is so much more out there. I've always felt that I can DO MORE. I've always had this burning feeling inside that I can make a difference in the lives of others. So I got to thinking how...

I've written 2 Eulogies in my time so far. I stood up and spoke and shared my thoughts about two of my grandparents. It's an amazing thing to reflect back on someones life and share how they've impacted the lives of others and share what they accomplished in their lifetime. It is really therapeutic and an amazing way to cope with the loss of someone. But it gets you to thinking what are others going to say about me. How have I impacted the lives of those around me and my loved ones. I don't want them saying that my past struggles affected my future. I want to leave this world with people saying I was an amazing mother. I want people to think that I was a supportive wife that loved my husband with my whole heart. I want others to say that I was caring and inspiring and hard working. That I inspired others to be their best self and supported them in reaching their dreams. Have you ever thought of writing your own eulogy? Have you ever thought deeply what you wanted YOUR life to look like? What you wanted to accomplish in your life and have others share about you? It really gets you to think doesn't it? It makes you stop and reflect on what can I do over the rest of my life to make a difference? As Rick Warren wrote in the first 4 words of his book "It's not about you."...It's not. Our lives are a reflection of the lives of others that we've touched. When we're gone no one is going to talk about what we've done in our lives for ourselves, they're going to talk about what we've done for others. They're going to talk about how we've impacted the lives of those around us and what we've done to change the course of their lives. They're going to speak of how we are giving, loving, caring, kind, and supportive. They're going to talk about what we did to raise up those around us and help them be successful and reach their goals. As a mother I want them to speak of what I did for my children and how I worked hard to give them the best life possible. I want them to talk about how I was strong in standing up for what my kids needed through their life. I want them to talk about how I supported my husband in reaching his dreams and helping him care for our family. I want them to speak of the strong, passionate, endless love we shared through both good times and bad. I want them to see how I was a Special Education Teacher and worked tirelessly as a mother and full time preschool teacher to complete my degree so that I can help students with special needs be successful in school and get them the supports they needed to learn along side their peers. I want them to talk about my strong Faith in God and how it carried me through my life. I want to connect with other women and mothers and help them feel inspired to make their lives the best they can for their families and their children. I want them to talk of what I did to make a difference in this world.

So I want you to do something. I want you to start today thinking about how you can make a difference in this world. How are you going to make an impact and leave behind a legacy. How are you going to change the lives of others around you? Think today about how you can reach your personal goals in life and in the process touch the lives of those around you. Think hard about how you're going to move forward in your life and leave a lasting impact. What will your Eulogy say about you someday? Will it say that you changed the lives of others? Will it say that you left a footprint in the sand? Will it say that you had passion? Will it say that you LIVED?

Much Love <3 

* I Want To Be The Woman You Think I Am*

The other day I was driving in my car listening to Carrie Underwood's Storyteller CD when her song "The Girl You Think I Am" started playing. Now I've never really listened to the words before, which is surprising because music is something that always truly touches my soul. I always listen to the words and often make connections to the lyrics. I'm totally that girl that you see driving down the road sobbing as I listen to a song. So I'm surprised that this was the first time that her lyrics really hit a cord with me. Have you ever listened to the lyrics of this song? Well the other day I started tearing up, because this song is like it was pulled from my heart.

"You think I'm strong, you think I'm fearless
Even when I'm, I'm at my weakest
You always see the best in me when I can't
I wanna be the girl you think I am
*
I got my flaws and I've got regrets
And I know there's more on the road ahead
When I wonder if I'll ever measure up

* 

Cause you think I'm brave, and you think I'm beautiful
You think that I can do the impossible
You always see the best in me when I can't
I wanna be the girl you think I am

*

Cause you think I'm strong, and you think I'm fearless
Even when I'm, I'm at my weakest
You believe in me; yeah, you're my biggest fan"

Above is not the entire song, however it's the words that touch my soul deep inside because I often think of how much I want to be the woman that everyone things I am. I'm so often told how I'm so strong, how I'm fearless and attack things head on, how I'm beautiful, and brave. Growing up I was the one that people thought had no fear and just went for things in life, however that is so far from the truth. It may look like that on the outside, however on the inside I'm riddled with fear, anxiety, and stress. I always over think things in my head and worry until I make myself sick, however others don't see that. My head is ALWAYS swimming with the fear of "what if". This song took the words right out of my mouth. I WANT to be that person. I want to be the person that is fearless, that is strong when things are tough, that is brave and goes out to chase my dreams, that can do the IMPOSSIBLE!

 Do you ever feel this way too? Do you ever wish and dream to be the person that others believe you are. I feel so many of us put on this front, this disguise to make things appear more than they are. I mean isn't that what social media is? A platform for us to make out lives look so magnificent and perfect, but on the other side of that computer screen is reality. Is where the fears, struggles, and self doubts lie? Where we all look at the lives of others and think "I wish I had there life". I wont lie, I've done it. But then I remind myself, there life is only what they show me. That they have their struggles, their fear,s and their self doubts too. 

I guess that's why I love to write. I vowed this year to do more writing and I decided to do it here on my blog to share with others because so often we believe others lives are so amazing, like that saying "the grass is always greener on the other side." Well honestly it's not. We all face the same problems in life no matter where we are. We all fear failure, don't believe enough in ourselves and what we're capable of, and don't believe we're beautiful enough. Carrie's song reminded me of that. But it also reminded me that I need to focus more on believing in me. In believing that God has made me strong. That I am beautiful, and that I am capable of achieving ANY dream that I set my mind to. That in this life he has given me the power to not only make my dreams come true, but to help others believe enough in themselves to also make their dreams a reality. That with support, motivation, encouragement, and love together we can crush our goals in life. 

I want to be a mother that my boys look at when their older and say "We are Proud of you Mom". I want my boys to look at me and say she did everything she could to give me the best life possible. Each one of us have self doubts. I think it's what keeps us humble. It's what doesn't allow our heads to get too big and over confident. But we have to have enough confidence and belief in ourselves to know that with hard work, dedication, and hustle we can do what God has put us on this earth to do. To serve. 

~Much Love <3