God Is Always at the Center

 God Is Always at the Center

So today I want to share a story with you from a few weeks back. I spent a lot of yesterday writing and feeling compelled again to share with you my thoughts, in hopes (as usual) it might help someone else get through a difficult time, or just help you recharge a bit. I'm not sure if I've shared this with you all before, but I've always had this desire to write a book. It's been something I've wanted to do ever since I was young, but have not shared it much with others. But as the years have passed and I get older I've felt more compelled that maybe someday it will come true. So my point is, if I shared with you what I wrote last night it might not make sense because you're missing some of the pieces from the beginning. Now I know that "Mrs. L's Cozy Corner" focuses mostly on education, or that's my goal to help share with you tips and tricks on education. However that's not all that I am. I'm not just a teacher right? I'm also a Mother, Wife, Daughter, Friend, Christian, and well I'm ME. So you'll at times also hear about those other aspects of my life. Today isn't so much about me as a teacher, but some of this you can take and put towards that as well. So here's today's thoughts for you.

About 2 months back I had a moment with my son that made me stop and think a bit about God and how he's always at the center of our world and lives. I had woken up and walked downstairs to find my dog had gotten into the trash...again. I stood in my kitchen cleaning up the trash spewed all over the floor and my older son started to talk to me about some things on his mind. We often have our one to one talks and it’s one of my favorite things we share. I hope with all my heart that he always comes to me with “stuff” no matter what it is. See this is something I often did with my father growing up. We'd sit in the garage talking about life events. It really helped me get through some tough times as a teen and young adult. We still have those talks today.  

This time we were discussing soccer (which is most often the topic), and his friends, and what this year is going to look like for him playing both Middle School soccer as well as his 5th and 6th grade team. As we were talking about all of life’s “problems” for an 11 almost 12 year old it hit me how God’s lessons are at the ground floor of everything. He’s truly our foundation. During our conversation we discussed how this year for my son the focus isn’t so much about building his soccer skills, but it's about a time for him to learn how to be a leader, to be patient with others, and to help guide and teach others on his team that may be less experienced. It's about sharing his love and knowledge of soccer with others. In this moment I saw how much God is always present in what we’re teaching our children. In this moment my purpose wasn’t to talk to him about God and his teachings, but he ended up there anyhow. God in that moment was talking through me to my son about what he’s seeking from him in this time of his life. 

TJ is truly a great kid, but at times he struggles with being patient with others that are having difficulty. Especially when it's something that comes easily to him. The night prior I had watched him and his teammates turn around after finishing their run and go back to help and support a friend and teammate finish the course. They went as a team to run alongside a teammate as he pushed to finish up his run. They worked together to support one another and encourage one another. These are the moments I’m most proud of.

Even the smallest of moments throughout our lives, God is always at the core of our journey. He’s the foundation that we build upon. He’s at the center of each struggle with the purpose of teaching us a new lesson. We just have to slow down to see what that lesson may be. We often forget in the hustle and bustle of life that our "Teacher" is always most silent during a test. You see our father doesn't speak loudly, he speaks to us softly and we just need to listen to those whispers.

 

 You see today's blog isn't some crazy life event, it's not some amazingly compelling story, it was just a small moment in our day, but a moment that was pretty impactful. In that moment I was talking to TJ about the importance of what God is trying to do through him. It was a moment that wasn't about him, but about others, about his team. If we didn't stop to listen in that moment we could have missed an important lesson. 

I have struggled at times with what to share with you. I at times am looking for this big moment, this big story, this amazing "Aha!" moment, but then I realized that sometimes it's the small moments that have the most impact. My students and my children are often making me stop and look at those small moments. I want you to try and do the same. Stop and Listen. Take a moment to see what is at the core of your struggles and your successes. That is when you see God the most. That is when you see your true purpose. Don't forget that! 

Much Love! xoxo

Overcoming Fears-Living with Selective Mutism

As parents we see the struggles our children face every day. Who knows our children better than us really? Not only in my personal life, but in my profession as a special education teacher as well, I see children climb those invisible mountains. However, nothing pulls at your heartstrings more than watching your child face struggles that are naked to the eye and knowing how hard it is for them. But then, that one day, that day that you watch your child finally climb that mountain and break through those walls is truly a feeling like no other.

I want to share with you today something that I've not spoke much of to people outside of our family or our close circle. Really only our family, closest friends, and son's teachers know that he was diagnosed about a year ago with Selective Mutism. Maybe because many don't even know what it is. You'll hear people say "oh well that's just him choosing not to talk", or " oh he's just shy", but in reality it's so much more than that. Selective Mutism is just starting to break the surface with people becoming aware of this anxiety disorder. Many think because it has to do with talking that it is a speech and language disability, however it is a severe anxiety disorder. This is why today I've decided to share with you the struggles my son faces to start bringing awareness to others, but also (as always) I want to share with other parents. I want others to know that we are our child's advocates and that by being silent to "protect"our children in all reality isn't protecting them. The more we talk, share, confide, and support one another it's in return going to help our children. Awareness brings strength.

So let's start by going back to the beginning. 
When my youngest was in preschool I started having concerns about his activeness in school, difficulty sitting still, focusing, and  sensory seeking behaviors. I would talk to others about this, however I always got the "he's a boy", "he'll settle down eventually", "he's just busy" and all the other phrases I'm sure you've heard. However, deep down I knew in my gut that there was more. I for a while listened to others and didn't go with my gut. Which now I'm regretting, however we did eventually get somewhere. Fast forward three years, many tears and stressful nights, OT evaluations, PT evaluations, hearing tests, doctor's appointments, psychologist appointments, specialists, school evaluations, and referral meetings my son was finally diagnosed with ADHD, sensory processing disorder, and anxiety. I thought finally we have our answers and can start doing what is needed to help him. We tried for a while to go the no medication route, however he still struggled and was falling further behind in his school work and academics. My husband and I made the difficult decision to try medication. This....this was the hardest decision we've had to make to date. I cried....and cried...and cried. I did not want to give my son medication every day. He's still so little. "Am I a horrible Mom?" I thought to myself. But what broke my heart was my child coming home, in tears, crying that school is too hard. That he was always getting in trouble. That he couldn't do it. That he had no friends. When your child's heart is breaking you have to do something. I thought for us...for him we had to try it. 

After various appointments with his doctor, a therapist, and a psychiatrist we decided on what medication to try. After a few weeks he came home smiling. He was happy. He was starting to excel in school, and HE COULD READ!! I was so beyond proud of this little boy. 
So you're thinking "what about the Selective Mutism?" Well you see it came a bit later. Zachary had started doing well in school, he was in first grade at this point and just started medication. His teacher's hadn't thought too much of him not talking at school because he was so busy and unfocused. However, now that Zachary was able to focus better and had started to progress in his school work his teacher started noticing he wasn't talking much. We started discussing it at parent teacher conferences and monitoring it. We discussed ways to prepare him to share at show and tell, or I could discuss with him before hand what was going to happen at school to maybe help him prepare. None of this was working . He'd get all excited to bring in a show and tell and share at school but then when I asked him later on if he shared he would say no. I was then starting to put pieces together. I was noticing how at home he wasn't talking to unfamiliar people that would come over, he'd not talk out at stores or restaurants, and he'd hide a birthday parties when there was a lot of people he didn't know. So I than reached out to his doctor and a few other specialists. We were able to quickly get in to see a highly recommended neurologist. She referred us to a specialist in Selective Mutism. I started researching Selective Mutism and started to see this is was the missing piece. This was what my gut was telling me. 

After seeing the specialist for Zachary's evaluation he was diagnosed. This then started our journey in understanding this piece of our child and helping others know how to work with him. Many think that Selective Mutism is a speech and language disorder but it's actually a sub category of anxiety. Selective Mutism is defined through the Selective Mutism Association as "Selective mutism (SM), formerly called elective mutism, is best understood as a childhood anxiety disorder characterized by a child or adolescent’s inability to speak in one or more social settings (e.g., at school, in public places, with adults) despite being able to speak comfortably in other settings (e.g., at home with family)." Despite this definition stating that it is seen in children and adolescents it is also seen in adults. As we moved forward from finally having a diagnosis we met with his teacher and the special education teacher to adjust his 504 plan to reflect his new diagnosis and how within the school setting we can best meet his needs. 

Zachary with our support has begun to feel more comfortable in certain social situations. Last year he had an amazing teacher that worked well with him and accommodated him throughout the school year to build up his confidence in speaking in larger groups. She was open to learning about his needs and listening to suggestions. This made a world of difference for Zachary and us. Which brings us to today. 2 months ago Zachary started karate classes. When he first started he was so nervous despite his excitement for his new adventure. We started with a one on one class to ease him into being in a larger group. I felt this would build his confidence and he could get adjusted to the surroundings and his new Sensai. Over the past 2 months Zachary has been working so hard. I've seen a passion in him for this sport that I've not seen before. He was first so nervous to talk or "Ki I" when they punch or kick, but he now has started to develop a voice and a new sense of confidence. He's becoming more in control of his body, and learning so much so quickly. Just last week he had his first belt test where he was tested on the 5 combinations/skills he's learned. He was taken into a back room with the Master (whom  he's never met) and was evaluated on his skills. As I watched from afar through the window I was filled with nerves and had tears streaming down my face. I saw my little boy that has been so anxious over the years stand so confidently. A boy that was afraid to speak to others that are unfamiliar was speaking and performing with confidence and assertion. I could not have forseen this 2 years ago, but now he has found something that is helping him control his impulses and learning how to cope with his anxious feelings. The Selective Mutism hasn't gone away, but we're learning how to help him realize that he doesn't have to be afraid. That he is strong, smart, confident, and an amazing little boy. 

As parents we are going to face many challenges with our children. We are going to be put in situations we could never anticipate. I never expected when my little boy was born 5 weeks early that I'd be facing these challenges down the road. I sometimes feel that it's more difficult having a child with a disability that is invisible to the eye because people often look at them as misbehaving or naughty because they can't see the struggles they are facing on the inside. I've learned that in these situations I need to be patient, speak with confidence to support my child and educate those that don't know. I've learned how to be strong when I didn't think I could be. I've learned to be an advocate for my children when others wont be. I've learned to trust my gut over the years when I knew there was more and others thought I was crazy. I've learned that my children will take me on one of the most difficult journeys in my life, but will give me the most incredible rewards. 

~xoxo 
Mrs. L